Into the Light

I've always found blogging rather cathartic, and so today I'm turning back to this medium to cleanse some heavy issues off my shoulders.

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 16 months now. Back in December, I got a positive pregnancy test, but two days later, the test was negative, and I started bleeding. So an early miscarraige.

I went into the doctor and he sent me for an ultrasound, just to be sure that everything was cleared out of there. Everything was fine in that department, but they found two 2cm cysts on my right ovary. We waited a month, and then I went back on Wednesday for another ultrasound to see if the cysts were going away or getting bigger or if there was anything new. Unfortunately, there was something new in the picture. The cysts had grown, and there was stuff in them; something more than fluid.

So now I'm off to see a specialist, probably in the next month. This could be anything from nothing at all to endometriosis, which runs in my family, to ovarian cancer. Turns out that my difficulty getting pregnant could be much more than just not getting pregnant. It could be something is wrong. With me. With my body.

I am completely, totally, seriously afraid. The doctor has put me on a do-not-make-a-baby order until we know what's going on, and I'm sad. I'm worried that it could be cancer, and that's a scary thought.

So. Now you know what's going on. I don't have to go through this alone, thankfully, and I have the full support and backing of my family. But if I'm not around, it's not just the rennovations (the floor is looking really nice). Keep me in your thoughts, my friends.


dclulu said...

Oh my, I'm so sorry you're going through this. That definitely is scary. Go see that specialist as soon as you can! The not-knowing is the worst part.

I imagine you already know, but I'll say anyway: loads of women have ovarian cysts. Most often they are totally harmless. (Check out lots of good internet info like http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/ovarian-cysts/DS00129)

As just one example, I had ovarian cysts and actually never menstruated. (Specialists didn't agree on whether I had polycystic ovarian syndrome.) I had to take fertility drugs, but I was able to get pregnant and now have a beautiful toddler daughter. Now I'm pregnant again with my second, and this time with no help from pharmaceuticals!

I will be thinking of you. Please keep us readers updated!

Kayla W said...

Thanks for the comment. I'm only concerned because it's not a simple cyst, but it has something inside it. I'm just worried, but I trust my OB/GYN (the specialist I've been referred to) with my life. He was, coincidentally, my OB when I was pregnant with my daughter. Thanks for the well wishes, and I'll be sure to keep everybody updated.

ilovemyliam said...

Tell you what, why don't you let all of us be worried about it for a while, and you just focus on being happy and healthy 'till you find out what it is. Then we will all take the next step when it comes, especially when it means splitting a virtual cake at the "there is nothing bad wrong with me" party.

Kristen said...

I`m praying for you lovely :) Take it day by day. You are a tough cookie and I know whatever it turns out to be you will kick it square in the ass! Keep your chin up!