Let The Anger Out!

Well, I'm on Clomid now. This is the second cycle of those beastly little pills, and I'm ready to pitch them out the window. You only take them for five days a cycle, and then your body goes into overdrive for the rest of the month. PMS becomes SUPER PMS, and sore bewbs become SUPER sore bewbs, and a little hormonal acne becomes a complete crater face! The doctor's theory is that while I am ovulating, I'm popping immature follicles, thereby making them extremely hard to fertilize. So the hope is that this drug will increase the maturity of those follicles and make them easier for the little tadpoles to penetrate.

Seriously, how did anyone ever get pregnant?!

I was seriously sad when the first cycle didn't work. I mean, I suppose it's to be expected, but I'm not a very patient person. Despite my years of knitting and spinning, when I want things, I want them NOW.

One thing that is seriously concerning me, though, about this drug is the increased risk of multiples. Twins. In a normal pregnancy, a person has about a 1-3% chance of conceiving twins. In a Clomid pregnancy, that risk increases to at least 10%. At least. If twins run in your family (which they do) or your husband's family (which they do), your chance goes up even past that, sometimes breaching 30%. While I would love to get pregnant, a twin pregnancy would freak me right the frack out.

I mean, I was a neanderthal with just ONE in there! What would happen with two?! I'll tell you what would happen. I'd be a house.

My mom has been having dreams and inklings that when I get pregnant again, I'll have twin boys. And every psychic she's gone to (if you prescribe to that sort of thing) has said that I'd have a girl and two boys.

Anyway, here's hoping this is the last cycle I need this little wee crazy pills and that life in my house can go back to normal. As an example of how damn crazy this pills make me: On Saturday night, Elodie picked "The Giving Tree" as her bedtime story. It is such a beautiful story. And I have read it to her dozens of times.

Well, I had to call Robbie in to finish it. Every time the damn tree gave the boy another piece of herself because she loved him so much, I would start crying. I couldn't finish it! And for the last three of my births, I've been a blubbering mess when baby is born. There's something about watching a two-minute old baby staring at her mom like, Oh, so this is what your face looks like, that just makes me break down. And when the mama looks at me next and says thank you, like I did something to create this beautiful moment? Forget it! I'm incoherent.

Anyway. I have been knitting, and crocheting, but I just haven't had time to snap pictures. Next time I post, I'll get a few pictures of the WIPs I have going on (two sweaters) and some of the hats I've crocheted recently. Gotta love baby hats.


Debbie said...

Now you had me crying reading your post! :) Sending hugs...and love...and something to punch when needed (not me! I mean a pillow or bag or something!)

dori said...

Hi Kayla - been trying to keep up a bit more on my blogs -- many thoughts of you for your wish for a new life to begin!!! Hugs -- dori (from TE/old DIVAS friend)